Use Your Senses to get Yourself THERE
Are you spread a little thin?
Everyone has a lot to contend with, but it is no secret that women carry the demands of life a little closer to the breaking point of stress than men. The list is overwhelming; parenting, your career, house work, health, diet and face it, the self-inflicted expectations for your appearance. As the sandwich generation, it is programmed into women to constantly worries about their parents and other aging family members. There is no time for yourself as it is, do you really want to spend it drinking your 7 glasses of water, counting calories and going back to the killing yourself at the gym?
With all of this going on, it is understandable if the last thing on your mind is sex, however it is probably exactly what you need.
I am not talking about the selfless sex to which you are probably accustomed. If you are like most women
you are lucky to have a happy ending 2 out of 5 times.
What is worse, you probably don’t mind because it is too much work or time-consuming to become fully invested in this domestic chore. Have you willingly handed your sexual satisfaction over to your partner? If that happens to be a man, well his happy endings are practically 100%. Am I right? In my experience, if a problem does not affect someone, then, to them it does not exist.
I want you to take back ownership of your pleasure.
Make it about you. Find the time. I’ll bet that you won’t hear your partner complain.
It is proven that orgasms have a multitude of benefits. The endorphins released are mood altering, they reduce stress, relieve headaches and elevate tension. The act of love making itself burns energy and increases circulation which improves your complexion. That glow; that sheen, it’s not a myth.
Before you grow skeptical and convince yourself that I am secretly a man trying to encourage tired, working moms to put out more, I assure you that my objective is for more women to achieve greater ecstasy with or without a partner. With is better but not necessary.
I welcome you to tap into your own body. Use your senses to fully appreciate your sensuality and sexuality.
Use your own sound and touch to turn yourself on without compromising your own personal boundaries. Recognize the power of scent to stimulate arousal and the ability of taste to alter your mood. Lastly, watching what you normally cannot see is exhilarating.
If you can’t get yourself there how can you expect that of your partner?
Here is a guide to heighten your arousal and alternately bring you to climax more than 2 out of 5 times. Learn how to use your senses to seduce yourself and have better sex.
Ladies, your body will deceive you. If pornography happens to offend, or even repulse you, the bitter truth is that your body will react to it involuntarily. This is within moderation, of course. If something is violent or disgusting your ethical and moral compass will reject it, but if it is just bodies on bodies doing what natural human bodies were meant to do, you will become visually stimulated. Like it or not. We are, after-all animals, and there is no greater reminder of this than the act of sex.
If you happen to be someone who is uncomfortable with the concept of porn but still considers yourself a sexual being who is looking to spice up your intimacy without having to go all ‘Shades of Grey,’ you have come to the right place. Here, I will show you how to use your own senses to tap into your true erotic self.
Use your SENSES.
1 – Sounds Dirty – Talk Dirty
This does not have to be crude or graphic. It is quite simply the combination of words and their timing. Just saying things that are swirling in your mind could bring your pleasure to a whole new level. Your body will react.
The thrill of saying things never before dared on your tongue, hearing the delicious sounds pass your lips and the response you will surely get from your partner, is too exhilarating not to try.
For the hesitant, blushing first timers, I suggest you begin when your lips are close to your partner’s ear. That way they can be whispered. If this is completely out of character for you, what you say does not have to be something you expect someone with Tourette’s to say. You could just moan. I kid you not. Making pleasurable sounds, just loud enough for you and your partner to hear, while cuddling and caressing will heighten arousal.
Many women will admit that…
…the act of faking an orgasm has itself triggered climax.
Why do you think that is? Because…
erotic sounds, especially your own erotic sounds, are stimulating.
Your body reacts to your own sounds and your partner’s response whether audible or physical. When your body responds, it seeks for pleasure. You will thrive and rock with a willingness to explore and be explored.
As the passion intensifies so can your sounds. Describe what you like. Not in novel form just a statement here and there. If the idea of speaking body parts makes you recoil, then don’t say them. Refer to them by using ‘you’re’ and ‘I’m.” Stick to adjectives. ‘You are so hard, and smooth.’ See, you could be describing his back or arms. “You’re touch drives me crazy.” Or, “I’m so hot for you.”
These words should not be forced, just close your eyes and breathe them.
It is that simple. Nothing I have suggested is too risky.
It took me a long time to say things extremely dirty. The first time I did, my husband reacted so viscerally that I sent him over the edge before I had even warmed up. This only led to a very welcomed ‘twice in one night’.
Good luck. Have fun and happy Valentine’s day.
2 – Touch and be Touched (yourself)
What is pleasing to the touch may not be pleasing to the eye.
If you have allowed the image of the typical runway model to cloud your idea of beauty, I would like to remind you that they model clothing. They are essentially walking coat hangers.
Where do your fingers linger most?…
My fingers love it, my eyes – not so much.
Before a night of romance, like Valentine’s Day, shower or bath by candle light. Do all the things that make you feel softest, feminine and beautiful. Lather, shave, moisturize, do your makeup, hair or don’t do anything. This is about you and your seduction.
Then, slip on the prettiest panties set or negligee you own. While in the warm, candle lit bathroom, consider how the fabric feels against your naked skin. Touch your freshly washed flesh. Feel what your partner will feel. Close your eyes if need be and fully tap into the sensation of touching and being touched. This sense is so important and your body will respond just take your time and linger.
3 – SMELL
Don’t Underestimate Smell the Power of Scent
The Unassuming Sense
Many of our memories have a smell.
It is a powerful sense that can trigger nostalgia or even deja vu. I once told that if I wore a certain perfume on a romantic getaway or my honeymoon than I could return to that memory easily later by just wearing that scent. I tried this. It worked, but I have since realized that specific smells are more difficult to place than generic ones. The cotton vanilla fragrance I put on while in Punta Cana five years ago doesn’t have nearly the effect that my suntan lotion has.
Last winter, I ran out of body moisturizer and applied the after sun lotion I use in the summer. Instantly, I was taken back to a time of sun and heat. On another occasion, I changed my shampoo. I had not realized that it was the brand I used when my husband and I first dated until he buried his nose in my hair and gave me ‘that look.’
Do not under estimate the power of scent.
Use it to your benefit.
While getting ready for a romantic evening perhaps dab on that perfume at the back of the shelf collecting dust. Or ditch the perfume and rub on baby oil or suntan lotion. Close your eyes and breathe in its scent. Where does your mind take you? A place? A time? If you are reminded of fun, youth, and freedom you have found your scent for the night. Don’t over do it by putting on too much or by applying it too often. It will loose its effect.
When ever I smell aerosol hairspray, I am reminded of my early twenties and going out dancing. I feel like an episode of Sex in the City and I am instantly in the mood for a little fun. My husband is more than happy to hitch a ride on that little buzz of nostalgia.
What I am saying is that smell is the unassuming sense that is easily forgotten until someone is cooking fish. Then see how quickly it is able to cripple a romantic mood. If used correctly, you can enhance your own arousal by tapping into past romantic moments to create new ones.
What did your first apartment smell like? Did you use potpourri, incense or candles? Did you use to wear baby oil, body spray or fruit scented shampoo? It is that simple.
There are smells that turn you on. Find them.
Consider the most erotic time of your life. When you feel sexy, sensual and aroused. What did it smell like?
Beware of this power. Unpleasant odors can just as easily have an adverse effect.
4 – Taste
The mouth is very sensual.
The simple act of brushing your thumb over your lips or touching your finger to your tongue is as erotic to feel as it is to watch. Taste is very different, it goes beyond the primitive points of pleasure.
Beyond the physical.
There are two types of taste.
The first is the most recognized. It is why cooking can also be an art of seduction. Having exquisite flavours burst in your mouth is one of life’s most enjoyable sensations. Food, itself can be an aphrodisiac.
Taste has the little-known power to alter mood.
I associate peanut butter with my childhood. As an adult, I very rarely eat it, however when I find myself surly or sullen, I will scoop a spoonful right out of the jar into my mouth. To me, I no longer savour the thick buttery flavour but, within a half-hour, my mood is lighter. I barely notice the transformation, unlike scent it is not instantaneous. It is more like taking an aspirin for a headache. After a few minutes, I notice that I feel better. It is as if my mind associates the taste of peanut butter with a calmer, less worrisome time and reverts back to them.
Before a night of romance, especially if the weather has taken its toll, put your subconscious taste buds to the test. Even if your plans include an evening of strawberries, wine, lobster and stuffed chicken; consider sneaking in an abstract appetizer or cocktail. It could boost your mood and widen the gates to the path of romance, seduction, and passion.
5 – Sight
I would like to shatter the manufactured shame associated with women’s natural curiosity to visually explore sex. If we were not socially conditioned to oppress our desires, then pornography and exotic dance clubs would not be so terribly unbalanced. Clearly, we are starved for it, hence the outrageous popularity of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘. Even then, we were resorted to reading; limiting our visual stimulation to the confines of our mind and imagination.
Why should we be embarrassed to look?
Men, do it all the time? Yes, it is juvenile and primal, but if anything should allow us to tap into our youthful, savage selves it should be sex. The innocence to parade naked and experiment with our bodies is not only natural it is a tonne of fun when done freely and safely. These dated starchy attitudes and social dichotomies regarding sex are not likely to fall away anytime soon. I will tell you, that even if you dare to deny it, women are visual beings. We have just conditioned ourselves not to be, however.
Peeking behind the curtain is forbidden.
Seeing what you normally cannot is insanely erotic, sensual and delicious.
The easy answer is to watch pornography. Not degrading, violent, ‘put it in my face’ porn, but soft porn that focuses on the beauty of joining bodies. Because this form or art is not easily found and time is of the essence, I would like to suggest a mirror. Not the plastered to the ceiling reflective glass, put in cheap hotels with mostly the male perspective in mind, but your ‘somewhere in your home’ mirror.
It needs to be at least picture size if not, of full length. Place the mirror near the bed or prop it against the couch if you intend to be on the floor. Open the drawers of your dresser to create a ledge at the perfect height. If you have two mirrors, even better.
Light candles. You will need some illumination to see and…
everything looks better by candle light.
Make certain that from your vantage point, you will get a clear view.
Are your cheeks red with the mere thought of this? Is that because the idea of your partner barring witness to you watching makes you uncomfortable and insecure? Then blindfold them. They won’t mind. In fact, you may just be fulfilling one of their secret fantasies. This will also give them the opportunity to really focus on their other senses. Encourage them to fully appreciate sound, touch, and scent.
Then, allow yourself to watch and really see. You just might capture mental snapshots that you can rely on in the future to heighten arousal, seduction, and release.