Ladies, your body will deceive you. If pornography happens to offend, or even repulse you, the bitter truth is that your body will react to it involuntarily. This is within moderation, of course. If something is violent or disgusting your ethical and moral compass will reject it, but if it is just bodies on bodies doing what natural human bodies were meant to do, you will become visually stimulated. Like it or not. We are, after-all animals, and there is no greater reminder of this than the act of sex.
If you happen to be someone who is uncomfortable watching porn but still considers yourself a sexual being who is looking to spice up your intimacy without having to go all ‘Shades of Grey,’ you have come to the right place. Here, I will show you how to use your own senses to tap into your true erotic self.
How to sound dirty or talk dirty without feeling dirty.
Talking or sounding dirty does not have to be crude or graphic. It is quite simply the combination of words and their timing. Just saying things that are swirling in your mind could bring your pleasure to a whole new level. Your body will react.
The thrill of saying things never before dared on your tongue, hearing the delicious sounds pass your lips and the response you will surely get from your partner, is too exhilarating not to try.
For the hesitant, blushing first timers, I suggest you begin when your lips are close to your partner’s ear. That way they can be whispered. If this is completely out of character for you, what you say does not have to be something you expect someone with Tourette’s to say. You could just moan. I kid you not. Making pleasurable sounds, just loud enough for you and your partner to hear, while cuddling and caressing will heighten arousal.
Many women will admit that…
…the act of faking an orgasm has itself triggered climax.
Why do you think that is? Because…
erotic sounds, especially your own erotic sounds, are stimulating.
Your body reacts to your own sounds and your partner’s response whether audible or physical. When your body responds, it seeks for pleasure. You will thrive and rock with a willingness to explore and be explored.
As the passion intensifies so can your sounds. Describe what you like. Not in novel form just a statement here and there. If the idea of speaking body parts makes you recoil, than don’t say them. Refer to them by using ‘you’re’ and ‘I’m.” Stick to adjectives. ‘You are so hard, and smooth.’ See, you could be describing his back or arms. “You’re touch drives me crazy.” Or, “I’m so hot for you.”
These words should not be forced, just close your eyes and breathe them.
It is that simple. Nothing I have suggested is too risky.
It took me a long time to say things extremely dirty. The first time I did, my husband reacted so viscerally that I sent him over the edge before I had even warmed up. This only led to a very welcomed ‘twice in one night’.
Good luck. Have fun and happy Valentine’s day.
If what I have recommended is still outside of your comfort zone, consider reading erotica. To yourself is fine and it may inspire your imagination to grab hold of things you are comfortable saying. But reading it aloud, to or with your partner brings seduction to a whole new level. Here is one of my favorites.
It is a powerful sense that can trigger nostalgia or even deja vu. I once told that if I wore a certain perfume on a romantic getaway or my honeymoon than I could return to that memory easily later by just wearing that scent. I tried this. It worked, but I have since realized that specific smells are more difficult to place than generic ones. The cotton vanilla fragrance I put on while in Punta Cana five years ago doesn’t have nearly the effect that my suntan lotion has.
Last winter, I ran out of body moisturiser and applied the after sun lotion I use in the summer. Instantly, I was taken back to a time of sun and heat. On another occasion I changed my shampoo. I had not realized that it was the brand I used when my husband and I first dated until he buried his nose in my hair and gave me ‘that look.’
Do not under estimate the power of scent.
Use it to your benefit.
While getting ready for a romantic evening perhaps dab on that perfume at the back of the shelf collecting dust. Or ditch the perfume and rub on baby oil or suntan lotion. Close your eyes and breathe in its scent. Where does your mind take you? A place? A time? If you are reminded of fun, youth and freedom you have found your scent for the night. Don’t over do it by putting on too much or by applying it too often. It will loose its effect.
When ever I smell aerosol hairspray, I am reminded of my early twenties and going out dancing. I feel like an episode of Sex in the City and I am instantly in the mood for a little fun. My husband is more than happy to hitch a ride on that little buzz of nostalgia.
What I am saying is that smell is the unassuming sense that is easily forgotten until someone is cooking fish. Then see how quickly it is able to cripple a romantic mood. If used correctly, you can enhance your own arousal by tapping into past romantic moments to create new ones.
What did your first apartment smell like? Did you use potpourri, incense or candles? Did you use to wear baby oil, body spray or fruit scented shampoo? It is that simple.
There are smells that turn you on. Find them.
Consider the most erotic time of your life. When you feel sexy, sensual and aroused. What did it smell like?
Beware of this power. Unpleasant odors can just as easily have an adverse effect.
A soft tongue hides behind luscious lips and slick pearly whites. Our mouths are essential to the art of seduction and love making. Kisses after-all are at the heart of all human affection.
The simple act of brushing your thumb over your lips or touchingyour finger to your tongue is as erotic to feel as it is to watch. Taste is very different, it goes beyond the primitive points of pleasure.
Beyond the physical.
There are two types of taste.
The first is the most recognized. It is why cooking can also be an art of seduction. Having exquisite flavours burst in your mouth is one of life’s most enjoyable sensations. Food, itself can be an aphrodisiac.
I want to focus on the second type; the subconsciousness of taste. Just as scent has the power to trigger nostalgia,
Taste has the little-known power to alter mood.
I associate peanut butter with my childhood. As an adult, I very rarely eat it, however when I find myself surly or sullen, I will scoop a spoonful right out of the jar into my mouth. To me, I no longer savor the thick buttery flavour but, within a half-hour, my mood is lighter. I barely notice the transformation, unlike scent it is not instantaneous. It is more like taking an aspirin for a headache. After a few minutes, I notice that I feel better. It is as if my mind associates the taste of peanut butter with a calmer, less worrisome time and reverts back to then.
This phenomenon can help set the tone for romance too. Do pina coladas taste like paradise or barbecue taste like summer or hot cider taste like Christmas? It doesn’t have to be your favourite flavour, it just needs to be a taste you associate with a pleasurable mood. Chicken noodle soap may comfort you and mint chocolate chip ice cream may leave you jubilant.
Not convinced? Consider tequila. If even the thought of this murky liquid causes your stomach to roil that is because you probably had a drunken tequila night that ended badly. The brain remembers and has since rejected the taste of (and possibly the sound of the word) tequila. On the other hand, if you are grinning with the thought of licking, shooting and sucking…well, then cheers. But I would bet you know someone who would groan at the same thought.
Still not convinced? One word.
This heavenly creamy flavour has so many benefits and for the purpose of this article, it is commonly associated with childhood, holidays and love. No wonder women (and men) crave it and indulge in it because it holds the power to alter your mood. Better than any drug.
Please practice moderation with the consumption of any mood altering substance.
Before a night of romance, especially if the weather has taken its toll, put your subconscious taste buds to the test. Even if your plans include an evening of strawberries, wine, lobster and stuffed chicken; consider sneaking in an abstract appetizer or cocktail. It could boost your mood and widen the gates to the path of romance, seduction, and passion.
This is an example of simple mind over matter. Allow your sense of taste to alter your mood to one of arousal.
I stash a tub of gummy bears in the car and a six pack of Corona in the fridge just in case on nights with the promise of romance.
I would like to shatter the manufactured shame associated with women’s natural curiosity to visually explore sex. If we were not socially conditioned to oppress our desires, then pornography and exotic dance clubs would not be so terribly unbalanced. Clearly, we are starved for it, hence the outrageous popularity of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘. Even then, we were resorted to reading; limiting our visual stimulation to the confines of our mind and imagination.
Why should we be embarrassed to look?
Men, do it all the time? Yes, it is juvenile and primal, but if anything should allow us to tap into our youthful, savage selves it should be sex. The innocence to parade naked and experiment with our bodies is not only natural it is a tonne of fun when done freely and safely. These dated starchy attitudes and social dichotomies regarding sex are not likely to fall away anytime soon. I will tell you, that even if you dare to deny it, women are visual beings. We have just conditioned ourselves not to be, however.
Peeking behind the curtain is forbidden.
Seeing what you normally cannot is insanely erotic, sensual and delicious.
The easy answer is to watch pornography. Not degrading, violent, ‘put it in my face’ porn, but soft porn that focuses on the beauty of joining bodies. Because this form or art is not easily found and time is of the essence, I would like to suggest a mirror. Not the plastered to the ceiling reflective glass, put in cheap hotels with mostly the male perspective in mind, but your ‘somewhere in your home’ mirror.
It needs to be at least picture size if not, of full length. Place the mirror near the bed or prop it against the couch if you intend to be on the floor. Open the drawers of your dresser to create a ledge at the perfect height. If you have two mirrors, even better.
Light candles. You will need some illumination to see and…
everything looks better by candle light.
Make certain that from your vantage point, you will get a clear view.
Are your cheeks red with the mere thought of this? Is that because the idea of your partner bearing witness to you watching makes you uncomfortable and insecure? Then blindfold them. They won’t mind. In fact, you may just be fulfilling one of their secret fantasies. This will also give them the opportunity to really focus on their other senses. Encourage them to fully appreciate sound, touch, and scent.
Then, allow yourself to watch and really see. You just might capture mental snapshots that you can rely on in the future to heighten arousal, seduction, and release.