What is pleasing to the touch may not be pleasing to the eye.
walking hanger
If you have allowed the image of the typical runway model to cloud your idea of beauty, I would like to remind you that they model clothing. They are essentially walking coat hangers.
Think about it. Most men love to touch, caress and sometimes squish together breasts. It does not matter if they are large or small, all breasts are soft, round and fleshy. This pleasurable sensation of touch is not limited to what fills the cups of a bra, it goes for all deliciously doughy parts; the derrière, hips, upper thighs, and stomach.
Touch your curves
Where do your fingers linger most?…
…when curled up in a comfortable embrace with your partner?
I’ll bet your fingers linger somewhere soft. Again, what is pleasing to the touch may not necessarily be pleasing to the eye. We can thank Cosmopolitan for that, but that is another blog all together.
I find myself threading my fingers through the soft patch of curls at the base of my husband’s back. Yep, he has a hairy back.
My fingers love it, my eyes – not so much.
You can use your own touch to seduce yourself.
Here’s how. If you harbour any insecurities regarding your body, they need to fall away. You are sexy, sensual and desirable. I can prove it.
Soft and Smooth
Before a night of romance, like Valentine’s day, shower or bathe by candle light. Do all the things that make you feel softest, feminine and beautiful. Lather, shave, moisturise, do your make up, hair or don’t do anything. This is about you and your seduction.
Touch
Then, slip on the prettiest panties set or negligee you own. While in the warm, candle lit bathroom consider how the fabric feels against your naked skin. Touch your freshly washed flesh. Feel what your partner will feel. Close your eyes if need be and fully tap into the sensation of touching and being touched. This sense is so important and your body will respond just take your time and linger.
Feel your loose hair at your neck. The curve of your shoulder. The shape of your arm. The lines of your lingerie. Outline your face with the side of your finger. Draw your thumb feather like over your mouth. Touch your fingers to your tongue.
It won’t take long before you feel like the most sensual woman alive.
Then, join your partner and prove it to yourself.
If you were tense waiting for me to suggest that you masturbate, than you need to relax and reread the last few paragraphs. Asking you to try and be something your not is called role-playing and doesn’t work for the less adventurous. On the other hand, if you are into that, by all means touch and play until your hearts content. In fact some shower heads work wonders.
A soft tongue hides behind luscious lips and slick pearly whites. Our mouths are essential to the art of seduction and lovemaking. Kisses, after-all are at the heart of all human affection.
Beyond the physical.
There are two types of taste.
Self-seduce with taste
The first is the most recognized. It is why cooking can also be an art of seduction. Having exquisite flavours burst in your mouth is one of life’s most enjoyable sensations. Food itself can be an aphrodisiac.
I want to focus on the second type; the subconsciousness of taste. Just as scent has the power to trigger nostalgia,
taste has the little-known power to alter mood.
Tastes fun
I associate peanut butter with my childhood. As an adult, I very rarely eat it. However, when I find myself surly or sullen, I will scoop a spoonful right out of the jar into my mouth. To me, I no longer savour the thick buttery flavour but, within a half-hour, my mood is lighter. I barely notice the transformation; unlike scent, it is not instantaneous. It is more like taking an aspirin for a headache. After a few minutes, I notice that I feel better. It is as if my mind associates the taste of peanut butter with a calmer, less worrisome time and reverts to them.
Taste Nostalgia
This phenomenon can help set the tone for romance, too. Do pina coladas taste like paradise, barbecue taste like summer or hot cider taste like Christmas? It doesn’t have to be your favourite flavour; it just needs to be a taste you associate with a pleasurable mood. Chicken noodle soup may comfort you, and mint chocolate chip ice cream may leave you jubilant.
Not convinced? Consider tequila. If even the thought of this murky liquid causes your stomach to roil, that is because you probably had a drunken tequila night that ended badly. The brain remembers and has since rejected the taste of (and possibly the sound of the word) tequila. On the other hand, if you are grinning with the thought of licking, shooting, and sucking…well, then cheers. But I would bet you know someone who would groan or gag at the same thought.
Still not convinced? One word.
Chocolate.
Self-Seduce with taste
This heavenly creamy flavour has so many benefits and, for the purpose of this article, it is commonly associated with childhood, holidays and love. No wonder women (and men) crave it and indulge in it because it holds the power to alter your mood. Better than any drug.
Please practice moderation in the consumption of any mood-altering substance.
Tastes like childhood
Before a night of romance, especially if the weather has taken its toll, put your subconscious taste buds to the test. Even if your plans include an evening of strawberries, wine, lobster and stuffed chicken; consider sneaking in an abstract appetizer or cocktail. It could boost your mood and widen the gates to the path of romance, seduction, and passion.
This is an example of simple mind over matter. Allow your sense of taste to alter your mood to one of arousal.
I stash a tub of gummy bears in the car and a six-pack of Corona in the fridge just in case we happen upon a night with the unexpected promise of romance. I trust in the flavours to nudge my mood to ensure my ultimate pleasure.
I would like to shatter the manufactured shame associated with women’s natural curiosity to visually explore sex. If we were not socially conditioned to oppress our desires, then pornography and exotic dance clubs would not be so terribly unbalanced. Clearly, we are starved for it, hence the outrageous popularity of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘. Even then, we were resorted to reading; limiting our visual stimulation to the confines of our mind and imagination.
Why should we be embarrassed to look?
Men, do it all the time? Yes, it is juvenile and primal, but if anything should allow us to tap into our youthful, savage selves it should be sex. The innocence to parade naked and experiment with our bodies is not only natural it is a tonne of fun when done freely and safely. These dated starchy attitudes and social dichotomies regarding sex are not likely to fall away anytime soon. I will tell you, that even if you dare to deny it, women are visual beings. We have just conditioned ourselves not to be, however.
Peeking behind the curtain is forbidden.
Seeing what you normally cannot is insanely erotic, sensual and delicious.
The easy answer is to watch pornography. Not degrading, violent, ‘put it in my face’ porn, but soft porn that focuses on the beauty of joining bodies. Because this form or art is not easily found and time is of the essence, I would like to suggest a mirror. Not the plastered to the ceiling reflective glass, put in cheap hotels with mostly the male perspective in mind, but your ‘somewhere in your home’ mirror.
Sight mirror
It needs to be at least picture size if not, of full length. Place the mirror near the bed or prop it against the couch if you intend to be on the floor. Open the drawers of your dresser to create a ledge at the perfect height. If you have two mirrors, even better.
Light candles. You will need some illumination to see and…
everything looks better by candle light.
Make certain that from your vantage point, you will get a clear view.
sight blindfold
Are your cheeks red with the mere thought of this? Is that because the idea of your partner bearing witness to you watching makes you uncomfortable and insecure? Then blindfold them. They won’t mind. In fact, you may just be fulfilling one of their secret fantasies. This will also give them the opportunity to really focus on their other senses. Encourage them to fully appreciate sound, touch, and scent.
sight ; hide your eye
Then, allow yourself to watch and really see. You just might capture mental snapshots that you can rely on in the future to heighten arousal, seduction, and release.
Need some inspiration or courage? Find it in the second part of The Round on my website. A steamy bit of erotica where Scarlet and Joel pick up right where they left off: standing in front of a mirrored pillar in the empty nightclub after hours. Part one was an exercise for sounding good while being bad. The second part focuses on the visuals and helps guide you to what you may not dare to see. The key is ‘sight’.
Watching is not limited to needing a partner. I encourage women to seduce themselves in front of a mirror. Find a comfortable private place, use candle light, maybe even scented candles, play music, and put volume to your natural sounds of pleasure. Your mission is to engage all of your senses as you watch yourself touch, be touched, and explore. Don’t hold back. Breath, moan, include your mouth by biting your lips working your tongue. Fall in love with your body and the simple pleasure it provides for you by you. Celebrate your singular seduction and ecstasy.
A special thanks to Emily Wright for letting me post here on your website. Thanks Em.
Sex Drugs & Working Moms: This Victoria Has No Secrets
It was Valentine’s Day a few years ago, and I was expected to step out of my powder room, donning Victoria’s Secret’s newest super sexy show stopper. The evening was meant to be oh so romantic.
Lit only by the glow of our fireplace, my love handed me the suspiciously large gift bag with excitement and anticipation dancing in his eyes. I tried to pull my libido from its hibernation to match his enthusiasm,
…but I am a Canadian girl, and it was February.
This means I was still carrying my post-holiday weight. Nothing below my collar had seen the sun since September, and I was sporting homegrown insulation. In short, I was doughy, pasty, and hairy. Yes, I said it.
There I was, under the harsh lighting of my bathroom, unveiling the wonder that was my Valentine’s Day gift. You know the outfit, every man’s fantasy. A lacy full-bodice number with enough reinforcement to hold cleavage at an unnatural altitude, thigh-high stockings, and garters, of course. By the time I presented myself, I was wild-eyed, red-faced, and completely disheveled. One might be flattered that their husband bought a size too small. I, on the other hand, know my hubby all too well. In his mad dash to the store to meet Hallmark’s Valentine’s Day expectations, he picked the salesclerk who looked most like me or who was closest to him in the store and asked her her size.
Don’t get me wrong, the black ensemble was beautiful with its iron boning, 72 hook and eyes lining the back and impossibly tiny claps for the garter belt to be fastened just below the butt cheeks. I am sure it looked amazing on the porcelain manikin. The headless, armless figure also had the advantage of not having flesh or flab to hinder the shape. More importantly, the manikin had assistance strapping the sucker on without the pesky inconvenience of having to breathe.
I am sorry, when Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday night, a school night,
…you are just happy to get the kids in bed early enough to share a bottle of wine, whisper some sweet nothings, take top, and go to bed.
Instead, there I was with my breasts up my nose, tugging and reefing on the least agreeable fabric known to man. Imagine 72 tiny curls of wire that need to slip into loops of thread that run down your spine. The only way to fasten every delicate hook was to put the corset on backward. I did mention that it was too small, right? I remember looking in the mirror and seeing the elegantly laced breast cups sitting on my back as I wrestled and wiggled trying to twist it into place. At one point, my husband asked if I was okay because I had spun myself into the vanity so violently that it was a wonder I didn’t wake the kids. Once the death trap was facing the correct way, I was an enraged, unlikely contortionist, who still needed to fasten the garter straps. I was bound so tightly that my breaths were short and sharp. How the hell was I going to bend at the waist to locate the tiny gold clasps, let alone secure my nylons to them?
Somehow, I managed to get it on, not without sacrificing skin and my air supply – I got it on. My gliding to the bed wasn’t exactly by choice as the stockings, again too small, limited my movement. I did reign in my frustration, discouragement, and overall self-loathing for the sake of the occasion. When my husband began to release me from my torture chamber, I was mixed with relief and outrage.
What was it all for? Better yet, who was it all for?
Afterward, when he was still giddy with the memory of his gift, he started making birthday and anniversary requests. There must have been something in my expression that said divorce or homicide because he abruptly stopped talking. I haven’t gotten lingerie for Valentine’s Day since.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!
Insights on life's little screts according to MLE Wright
