What is pleasing to the touch may not be pleasing to the eye.
walking hanger
If you have allowed the image of the typical runway model to cloud your idea of beauty, I would like to remind you that they model clothing. They are essentially walking coat hangers.
Think about it. Most men love to touch, caress and sometimes squish together breasts. It does not matter if they are large or small, all breasts are soft, round and fleshy. This pleasurable sensation of touch is not limited to what fills the cups of a bra, it goes for all deliciously doughy parts; the derrière, hips, upper thighs, and stomach.
Touch your curves
Where do your fingers linger most?…
…when curled up in a comfortable embrace with your partner?
I’ll bet your fingers linger somewhere soft. Again, what is pleasing to the touch may not necessarily be pleasing to the eye. We can thank Cosmopolitan for that, but that is another blog all together.
I find myself threading my fingers through the soft patch of curls at the base of my husband’s back. Yep, he has a hairy back.
My fingers love it, my eyes – not so much.
You can use your own touch to seduce yourself.
Here’s how. If you harbour any insecurities regarding your body, they need to fall away. You are sexy, sensual and desirable. I can prove it.
Soft and Smooth
Before a night of romance, like Valentine’s day, shower or bathe by candle light. Do all the things that make you feel softest, feminine and beautiful. Lather, shave, moisturise, do your make up, hair or don’t do anything. This is about you and your seduction.
Touch
Then, slip on the prettiest panties set or negligee you own. While in the warm, candle lit bathroom consider how the fabric feels against your naked skin. Touch your freshly washed flesh. Feel what your partner will feel. Close your eyes if need be and fully tap into the sensation of touching and being touched. This sense is so important and your body will respond just take your time and linger.
Feel your loose hair at your neck. The curve of your shoulder. The shape of your arm. The lines of your lingerie. Outline your face with the side of your finger. Draw your thumb feather like over your mouth. Touch your fingers to your tongue.
It won’t take long before you feel like the most sensual woman alive.
Then, join your partner and prove it to yourself.
If you were tense waiting for me to suggest that you masturbate, than you need to relax and reread the last few paragraphs. Asking you to try and be something your not is called role-playing and doesn’t work for the less adventurous. On the other hand, if you are into that, by all means touch and play until your hearts content. In fact some shower heads work wonders.
It is a powerful sense that can trigger nostalgia or even déjà vu. I once told that if I wore a certain perfume on a romantic getaway or my honeymoon, then I could return to that memory easily later just by wearing that scent. I tried this. It worked, but I have since realized that specific smells are more difficult to place than generic ones. The cotton vanilla fragrance I put on while in Punta Cana five years ago doesn’t have nearly the effect that my suntan lotion has.
Last winter, I ran was out of body moisturiser and applied the aftersun lotion I use in the summer. Instantly, I was taken back to a time of sun and heat. On another occasion, I changed my shampoo. I had not realized that it was the brand I used when my husband and I first dated until he buried his nose in my hair and gave me ‘that look.’
Do not underestimate the power of scent.
Use it to your benefit.
While getting ready for a romantic evening, perhaps dab on that perfume at the back of the shelf collecting dust. Or ditch the perfume and rub on baby oil or suntan lotion. Close your eyes and breathe in its scent. Where does your mind take you? A place? A time? If you are reminded of fun, youth and freedom, you have found your scent for the night. Don’t overdo it by putting on too much or by applying it too often. It will lose its effect.
Whenever I smell aerosol hairspray, I am reminded of my early twenties and going out dancing. I feel like an episode of Sex and the City and I am instantly in the mood for a little fun. My husband is more than happy to hitch a ride on that little buzz of nostalgia.
Self-seduce with scent
While getting ready for a romantic evening, perhaps dab on that perfume at the back of the shelf collecting dust. Or ditch the perfume and rub on baby oil or suntan lotion. Close your eyes and breathe in its scent. Where does your mind take you? A place? A time? If you are reminded of fun, youth, and freedom, you have found your scent for the night. Don’t overdo it by putting on too much or by applying it too often. It will lose its effect.
Whenever I smell aerosol hairspray, I am reminded of my early twenties and going out dancing. I feel like an episode of Sex and the City and I am instantly in the mood for a little fun. My husband is more than happy to hitch a ride on that little buzz of nostalgia.
What I am saying is that smell is the unassuming sense that is easily forgotten until someone is cooking fish. Then see how quickly it is able to cripple a romantic mood. If used correctly, you can enhance your own arousal by tapping into past romantic moments to create new ones.
What did your first apartment smell like? Did you use pot-pourri, incense or candles? Did you use to wear baby oil, body spray or fruit-scented shampoo? It is that simple.
There are smells that turn you on. Find them.
Consider the most erotic time of your life. When you feel sexy, sensual and aroused. What did it smell like?
Beware of this power. Unpleasant odours can just as easily have an adverse effect.
Many nights I do respect his slumber and my need for efficiency and go it alone. I still rely on my sense of smell to heighten the experience. That same perfume, lotion, or candle works for my party of one and sometimes it is my hubby’s shirt on the top of the hamper. Ladies, do not be afraid of taking a scarf or handkerchief into the department store to spritz in with your favorite cologne or fragrance. I bet that old flame that served well carnally smelled great. There is no need to put that scent to waste, tap into it without the drama or commitment. Get lost in the power of scent to heighten your pleasure and reach the ultimate climax. Organs are best when they engage all your senses.
A soft tongue hides behind luscious lips and slick pearly whites. Our mouths are essential to the art of seduction and lovemaking. Kisses, after-all are at the heart of all human affection.
Beyond the physical.
There are two types of taste.
Self-seduce with taste
The first is the most recognized. It is why cooking can also be an art of seduction. Having exquisite flavours burst in your mouth is one of life’s most enjoyable sensations. Food itself can be an aphrodisiac.
I want to focus on the second type; the subconsciousness of taste. Just as scent has the power to trigger nostalgia,
taste has the little-known power to alter mood.
Tastes fun
I associate peanut butter with my childhood. As an adult, I very rarely eat it. However, when I find myself surly or sullen, I will scoop a spoonful right out of the jar into my mouth. To me, I no longer savour the thick buttery flavour but, within a half-hour, my mood is lighter. I barely notice the transformation; unlike scent, it is not instantaneous. It is more like taking an aspirin for a headache. After a few minutes, I notice that I feel better. It is as if my mind associates the taste of peanut butter with a calmer, less worrisome time and reverts to them.
Taste Nostalgia
This phenomenon can help set the tone for romance, too. Do pina coladas taste like paradise, barbecue taste like summer or hot cider taste like Christmas? It doesn’t have to be your favourite flavour; it just needs to be a taste you associate with a pleasurable mood. Chicken noodle soup may comfort you, and mint chocolate chip ice cream may leave you jubilant.
Not convinced? Consider tequila. If even the thought of this murky liquid causes your stomach to roil, that is because you probably had a drunken tequila night that ended badly. The brain remembers and has since rejected the taste of (and possibly the sound of the word) tequila. On the other hand, if you are grinning with the thought of licking, shooting, and sucking…well, then cheers. But I would bet you know someone who would groan or gag at the same thought.
Still not convinced? One word.
Chocolate.
Self-Seduce with taste
This heavenly creamy flavour has so many benefits and, for the purpose of this article, it is commonly associated with childhood, holidays and love. No wonder women (and men) crave it and indulge in it because it holds the power to alter your mood. Better than any drug.
Please practice moderation in the consumption of any mood-altering substance.
Tastes like childhood
Before a night of romance, especially if the weather has taken its toll, put your subconscious taste buds to the test. Even if your plans include an evening of strawberries, wine, lobster and stuffed chicken; consider sneaking in an abstract appetizer or cocktail. It could boost your mood and widen the gates to the path of romance, seduction, and passion.
This is an example of simple mind over matter. Allow your sense of taste to alter your mood to one of arousal.
I stash a tub of gummy bears in the car and a six-pack of Corona in the fridge just in case we happen upon a night with the unexpected promise of romance. I trust in the flavours to nudge my mood to ensure my ultimate pleasure.
I would like to shatter the manufactured shame associated with women’s natural curiosity to visually explore sex. If we were not socially conditioned to oppress our desires, then pornography and exotic dance clubs would not be so terribly unbalanced. Clearly, we are starved for it, hence the outrageous popularity of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘. Even then, we were resorted to reading; limiting our visual stimulation to the confines of our mind and imagination.
Why should we be embarrassed to look?
Men, do it all the time? Yes, it is juvenile and primal, but if anything should allow us to tap into our youthful, savage selves it should be sex. The innocence to parade naked and experiment with our bodies is not only natural it is a tonne of fun when done freely and safely. These dated starchy attitudes and social dichotomies regarding sex are not likely to fall away anytime soon. I will tell you, that even if you dare to deny it, women are visual beings. We have just conditioned ourselves not to be, however.
Peeking behind the curtain is forbidden.
Seeing what you normally cannot is insanely erotic, sensual and delicious.
The easy answer is to watch pornography. Not degrading, violent, ‘put it in my face’ porn, but soft porn that focuses on the beauty of joining bodies. Because this form or art is not easily found and time is of the essence, I would like to suggest a mirror. Not the plastered to the ceiling reflective glass, put in cheap hotels with mostly the male perspective in mind, but your ‘somewhere in your home’ mirror.
Sight mirror
It needs to be at least picture size if not, of full length. Place the mirror near the bed or prop it against the couch if you intend to be on the floor. Open the drawers of your dresser to create a ledge at the perfect height. If you have two mirrors, even better.
Light candles. You will need some illumination to see and…
everything looks better by candle light.
Make certain that from your vantage point, you will get a clear view.
sight blindfold
Are your cheeks red with the mere thought of this? Is that because the idea of your partner bearing witness to you watching makes you uncomfortable and insecure? Then blindfold them. They won’t mind. In fact, you may just be fulfilling one of their secret fantasies. This will also give them the opportunity to really focus on their other senses. Encourage them to fully appreciate sound, touch, and scent.
sight ; hide your eye
Then, allow yourself to watch and really see. You just might capture mental snapshots that you can rely on in the future to heighten arousal, seduction, and release.
Need some inspiration or courage? Find it in the second part of The Round on my website. A steamy bit of erotica where Scarlet and Joel pick up right where they left off: standing in front of a mirrored pillar in the empty nightclub after hours. Part one was an exercise for sounding good while being bad. The second part focuses on the visuals and helps guide you to what you may not dare to see. The key is ‘sight’.
Watching is not limited to needing a partner. I encourage women to seduce themselves in front of a mirror. Find a comfortable private place, use candle light, maybe even scented candles, play music, and put volume to your natural sounds of pleasure. Your mission is to engage all of your senses as you watch yourself touch, be touched, and explore. Don’t hold back. Breath, moan, include your mouth by biting your lips working your tongue. Fall in love with your body and the simple pleasure it provides for you by you. Celebrate your singular seduction and ecstasy.
Insights on life's little screts according to MLE Wright
